Somewhere in the
vast and intricate world of book publishing, it has been
decided that we don't know how to Do It.
At least, we don't know how to establish
intimate romantic relationships with the proper finesse,
technique, know-how and understanding.
That is one possible conclusion to draw
from the vast avalanche of recent books on the subject. Most,
though not all, of the books are explicitly aimed at women,
who are, after all, from Venus (and who are perhaps more
likely to discuss relationships than their Martian
counterparts).
In the interests of
advancing public knowledge on this delicate subject, we have
amassed a large stack of recent books, and have gone through
them carefully for romantic tips on cultivating your own
relationship. Some are dainty; others are almost scarily
graphic. Some urge you toward chastity; others toward sexual
voracity. You get to choose.
Here goes:
Women, you must not even kiss the men
you are dating, until they promise to marry you. This way,
''you won't get bonded to a man before you get the commitment
you want from him first.'' Flechelle Morin, author of
Kissing or No Kissing: Whom Will You Save Your Kisses
For? (Cheval Publishing, $21.95), says a lip-lock is a
no-no because, ''In kissing and cuddling, most women will
start bonding to a man; any man, good or bad. By postponing
kissing and cuddling . . . it weeds out the nonserious
contenders.''
Men, your chances of
sensual bliss will be enhanced if you praise your partner's
body, according to sex expert Barbara Keesling (Sex So
Great She Can't Get Enough, M. Evans and Co., $21.95).
Check this out: ''If you want to be more graphic to describe
what you are seeing, you can always liken her body to flowers
or fruit. 'Your legs are like long elegant irises in the
spring.' '' To be fair, Keesling also includes a lot of
specific, helpful points to improve communications in the
boudoir.
U.S. couples usually hop into
bed by that fateful third date, according to author Laurie
Seale. But it takes six months to understand a partner's
''context and the context of their values,'' and men who are
seeking a full relationship and not just a sex partner will
wait that six months to build trust, respect and emotional
intimacy. They will also
look like Colin Firth. (Just kidding.) The cautionary advice
comes from Seale's The Questions to Ask Before You Jump
into Bed (Perigee Trade Paperback, $14.95), and she also
has some good tips for the top 10 questions to ask on a first
date - even though you are likely to feel like the Nazi
interrogator in one of those old World War II movies by the
time you get to ''Do you consider yourself an analytical or
creative thinker, or intuitive? Why?''
The Hitachi Magic Wand ''wins the Best
Vibrator Award.'' This from the extremely graphic A Piece
of Cake, a primer of female erotica by Melinda Gallagher
and Emily Scarlet Kramer (Atria Books, $24).
''Stones that favor the energy of love
are citrine, white quartz, shining quartz, smoked quartz,
aventurine, pink quartz, emerald, jade, rhodochrosite, and
green red or pink tourmaline. Place them in pairs in the
southeast corner of the bedroom.'' It's one of many hints from
Mabel Iam's The Love Diet (Rayo/HarperCollins, $19.95),
who also advises, ''If you have virtual sex on your computer
at work, it's important to keep the contents of your
conversations in a place where no one can discover it.''
(Earth to Mabel: If it's on your work computer, your
employer's entire info technology team can discover it. Happy
reading, techies!)
If a woman wishes to
initiate a romantic encounter with her partner, she should
''slowly and seductively slide [her] hand up and down [her]
wineglass while gazing into his eyes. The key is to make it
look as though you are not aware of what you are doing. The
message that he receives will be almost subliminal.'' This is
from Pleasure: The Woman's Guide to Getting the Sex You
Want, Need and Deserve, by Hilda Hutcherson. (G.P.
Putnam's Sons, $25.95). She also advises against consuming
that alleged aphrodisiac, raw goat testicles. |
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